Play to Learn and Learn to Play

With the release of the recent matric 2019 results, it was again clear that many of the youth that do not achieve the desired results are the ones who did not have a proper start and preparation for their formal school years.  For this reason, there is also an increased emphasis on developing the academic skills of children during their early childhood years.

The early childhood development system is aimed at preparing children for school by using play and informal learning to get certain basic skills printed into the inquisitive and absorbing minds of younger children.

The early childhood development centre focusses on the young child between the ages of 3 and 8, where play is used to teach children basic skills in five areas, namely cognitive development (solving problems), social and emotional development, speech and language development, fine motor skills development and gross motor skills development.

In the article “Why Children Need Play” Deborah J Leong writes that there is a strong belief that there is a link between play and the development of cognitive and social skills – both being prerequisites for learning more complex concepts as children get older.  She says that play is linked to growth in memory, self-regulation, oral language, and recognising symbols. Play has however also been linked to higher levels of school adjustment and increased social development.

The early childhood classrooms should therefore provide a unique setting to foster dramatic play that will lead to cognitive and social maturity. The role play (and friendly fighting over who will be the mommy and who the baby) teaches children to delay gratification and to prioritise their goals and actions.  According to Leong it also teaches them to consider the perspectives and needs of other people.  

Primary school teachers do not necessarily expect of the little ones to enter their classroom with complete mastery of spelling or addition.  After all, it is in the early elementary grades that they acquire these competencies. However, the teachers do hope that the children entering their classrooms can concentrate, pay attention and be considerate to others.  These skills are not developed by using flashcards or computer programs, but through interacting with peers during play!

It is however important that the parents form a partnership with the teacher to make the learning experience fun.  Parent involvement helps extend teaching outside the classroom, creates a more positive experience for children, and helps children perform better when they are in school.

You can for instance read to your child and help him or her develop their literacy, their ability to learn new words and it is also relaxing.  Play with your child – get drawn into their games and sit down on the floor when you play with them.  Be at their level – do not look down on them – even when you need to discipline your child.

It is important to also greet your child when you drop her off at school and assure her that you will be picking her up later. Try not to be late, and be interested in what they learned during the day. This gives the child a feeling of safety and makes the learning experience more positive as the child is not anxious about not being collected at the end of the day!

Child Welfare Tshwane offers early childhood development centres in Mamelodi and in Sunnyside to prepare young children for school. We believe that young children should be stimulated and offered the best possible opportunity to develop basic skills that will be enable them to perform at their best once they start school. 

We provide a safe and friendly learning environment, where the children also receive balanced meals and can take a nap in the afternoon. We charge a small fee from those parents who can afford to pay a small amount, just to cover the basic costs.  Most children however attend the centres for free, but they still get quality education and guidance.

Children that have left our care and started school have been performing very well. We follow the Curriculum of the Department of Basic Education, bringing our children on par with children from higher income families. 

For more information, contact Ms Hazel Mitas on 012-9437285 or hazel@childwelfare.co.za

Holiday safety tips

Because holidays incorporate fun and celebration, it warrants some general safety precautions to help keep our families safe:

River and lake safety

Beware of fast flowing water, submerged objects, and deep water.

Ask someone who is familiar with the area.

Watch water levels in rivers and dams as they can rise suddenly due to water releases from reservoirs and after heavy rainfall.

Beware of slippery banks or paths near waterfalls

Fire Safety

Install smoke alarms on every level of your home, inside bedrooms and outside sleeping areas.

Test smoke alarms every month.

Talk with all family members about a fire escape plan and practice the plan twice a year.

If a fire occurs in your home, GET OUT, STAY OUT and CALL FOR HELP.

Stay safe in the sun.

Wear protective clothing.

Make sunglasses your favourite accessory.

Limit your sun time, especially between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. That's when the sun's rays are at their strongest.

Use sunscreen and use it right.

Say no to tanning.

Road crossing safety

Dealing with bad grades

Getting a bad grade or report card is a common part of learning, but it can be especially stressful given what’s at stake. You must get past the disappointment and plan your next move. Moving forward is necessary to do better in future:

6 Tips for children - Dealing with a Bad Grade

• Give yourself time to process. People often tell you to dismiss bad grades and try harder next time.
• Calculate and evaluate.
• Keep calm and carry on.
• Identify your weaknesses.
• Work on your gaps.
• Tackle it the next time.

8 Tips for parents -Talking about Bad Grades

• Address the importance of grades early.
• Approach the subject with concern, not anger.
• Separate the child from the grade.
• Ask questions.
• Talk to the teacher.
• Know that rewards and punishment don't work if you want your child to love learning.
• Beware of pressure.
• Take the simplest steps first.

Women (and children) will survive

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

And I learned how to get along…..

The well-known song by Gloria Gaynor has become a theme song for many women and children who fell victim to violence at the hands of someone they love.  According to the World Bank, gender-based violence (GBV) or violence against women and girls (VAWG), is a global pandemic that affects 1 in 3 women in their lifetime.

The numbers are staggering:

• 35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence.
• Globally, 7% of women have been sexually assaulted by someone other than a partner.
• Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by an intimate partner.
• 200 million women have experienced female genital mutilation/cutting.

In a report, World Bank states that this issue is not only devastating for survivors of violence and their families, but also entails significant social and economic costs. In some countries, violence against women is estimated to cost countries up to 3.7% of their GDP – more than double what most governments spend on education.

Failure to address this issue also entails a significant cost for the future.  Numerous studies have shown that children growing up with violence are more likely to become survivors themselves or perpetrators of violence in the future.

One characteristic of gender-based violence is that it knows no social or economic boundaries and affects women and girls of all socio-economic backgrounds: this issue needs to be addressed in both developing and developed countries.

Decreasing violence against women and girls requires a community-based, multi-pronged approach, and sustained engagement with multiple stakeholders. The most effective initiatives address underlying risk factors for violence, including social norms regarding gender roles and the acceptability of violence.  During this period – the 16 days of activism against violence against women and children – we found some helpful hints on personal safety that we want to share with women and children in Tshwane.

Being safe on the street:

• It is important to trust your intuition -- trust your feelings. If you feel that a situation is not right, move out of the situation.  Your gut feeling is seldom wrong!
• Be aware of your surroundings. In social situations, be alert to places and situations that make you vulnerable.  Also, always let someone know when and where you will be if you are out.
• Walk confidently and alertly.  Take care to not walk to close to any side of the sidewalk – rather stay in the middle so you have options when you have to get away!

Being safe when you are out and about:

• Be responsible for yourself.
• Have precautions in place when going out – especially if you are alone.
• Watch how much you drink. 
• Register your belongings and keep them in the eye at all times.
• Be extra wary of your car or transport and ask someone to walk with you if you feel unsafe.
• Keep personal details safe.  

Being safe at home:

• Create the illusion that someone is at your house. Play loud music or talk radio so that it sounds as if there is a lot of people inside the house.
• Always make sure all exterior doors have reliable locks and that you know where all your spare keys are.
• Always look out through a window before opening the door. You never know who is outside, nor if they are alone.
• Don't leave the keys in obvious locations – try to find places people will not look.

Very few people enjoy conflict, and most people would state that they would prefer to avoid conflict in any way possible. Unfortunately, there are always going to be situations that arise that involve conflict. When you are involved in a verbal confrontation with someone and feel threatened, the most important thing you can do is try to de-escalate the situation so that you can remove yourself before that conflict increases to a dangerous level.

Being approached aggressively or being verbally threatened can be scary, here are some tips on what to do when you are being threatened.

Have Plenty of Patience and Stay Calm

When it comes to de-escalating a conflict, the best “weapon” you have is your patience. Any situation that feels as if it could potentially turn violent requires patience on your part, and careful response so that you do not further agitate the aggressor. Challenging them, retorting with your own threats or engaging them will more quickly lead to a higher level of conflict. On the other hand, your patience can keep the situation much calmer and potentially defuse the attacker and preventing any further action on their part.

Make Eye Contact

Looking away can often be perceived by an aggressor as a sign of fear. Keeping eye contact is a sign of confidence. While you do not want to antagonize someone acting aggressively toward you, you do not want to appear to be an easy victim, either.

Use Closed-Ended Statements

Do not ask questions or engage the aggressor in any way. If you are in an uncomfortable situation and you are being provoked, or verbally abused, the best way to de-escalate the situation is to simply not take the bait, resist the urge to defend yourself verbally, and resist the urge to ask them “why” they are doing this to you or “what” they want. When you make open ended statements, you are inviting additional conversation and giving the aggressor more opportunities to escalate the situation into something even more uncomfortable.

Do Not Fight Back or Become Aggressive

Responding to a threat with another threat is probably the quickest way to escalate a situation. In nearly every situation, the best thing to do is try to remove yourself and get away. Do not become engaged with someone that is being verbally abusive, it can very easily turn into a situation that is physically abusive.

Your personal safety should always be a priority. If you ever find yourself in a situation that is becoming uncomfortable or verbally abusive, you should do everything you can to de-escalate the situation before it becomes violent. An aggressive situation can turn violent very quickly, and with little provocation, and defending yourself from a physical attack is far more difficult than removing yourself from a threatening verbal conflict. Never, ever let an aggressor engage you in the type of verbal conflict that can escalate. It is far better to tolerate the verbal abuse and get away than let it escalate to a point where you become physically attacked, and potentially injured or killed.

Texting or Sexting – do you know what your child is doing?

In our day and age, we cannot imagine running our lives without mobile phones.  For the safety of our children (so parents always have contact with them) children at young ages already are kitted with their own mobile phones.  And of course, we give them ones with cameras, Wi-Fi and the ability to handle graphics as we want our children to take pictures,  communicate with their friends and play games. But, to a certain degree, we are allowing a potential problem into our homes when we give children mobile phones.

Unfortunately, one of the issues with mobile phones is that it is an easy way to reach the user directly and it is through apps like Snapchat, Tinder, WhatsApp and Kik (not exclusively, but predominantly) that sexting is taking place.

So, what is sexting?  Sexting has been described as the new flirting and is part of cyberbullying. It involves the sending and receiving of explicit messages, images or videos of a sexual nature. It includes explicit texts, nude or partially nude images sent to minors. This content is usually uploaded on a mobile device, from where it can be loaded onto social networking sites and shared further. The images can then be sent to or from a friend or just someone your child has met online.

It is still illegal to take, make or share an indecent image or video of a child under the age of 18 – even if it is consensual. The police forces in England and Wales recorded 6 238 underage “sexting” offences in 2016-17 – this is a rate of 17 per day!

Children think this is harmless and see it as a joke, an easy way to show someone you like them and trust them or just a cool thing to do! They may not realise the consequences of sharing personal information and how it can be potentially harmful to them in the future.  It is an offence under the Children’s Act, 2005 as amended, and Section 19 of the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and related matters) Amendment Act, 2007.

Sending and sharing nude or semi-nude photos or videos and/or sexually suggestive messages via mobile phone texting or instant messaging (sexting) between children may, therefore, depending on the content, also fall within the ambit of the prohibition of possessing or creating, producing and distributing child pornography.  It is important to note that if a child aids, incites, instructs, commands or procures another child to take and send such material, he or she will be guilty of an offence.

Although some children are willingly exchanging images, many may regret sharing the messages, images, and videos after they have sent or uploaded them. Once it is out there, there is no going back! Once a photo or video has been shared, there is no way of knowing how many people have saved it, tagged it or shared it.  What was sent as a show-off to friends and peers, may become a burden that follows you around as it can be shared repeatedly.  This, in turn, can be used to exploit young adults, extort additional photos, sexual favours and sometimes even money from victims.

What can I do if I suspect my child is involved in sexting?

• Talk to your child:  encourage open dialogue about appropriate information to share with others online and offline. Be approaching and understanding - discuss sexting and make sure that your child understands what it is and what it involves.  Show that you understand that it may be a way of reflecting natural adolescent curiosity about nudity, bodies and exploring sexuality – but also explain why it is important that they think twice before sharing.
• Explain the legal implications: children and young adults may not realise that what they are doing is illegal.  You must explain to the child that, even with consent, it remains illegal to take a sexual picture of a child under the age of 18.  This is also true for selfies!
• Explain repercussions: It is important to make the child understand that once they have sent the image, they are no longer in control of it. Messages, images, and videos intended for an individual may end up where the whole world can have access to it.  Even if they completely trust someone, other people using their phone might accidentally see it.  And, later in life, when they are applying for work, it may affect their online reputation.  It has become customary for employers to screen the online profiles of potential employees before making a final decision.
• Get the image deleted: your best will be to ask the person the image was shared with to delete the image.  You can also report the website if it was posted on a site, to get the image deleted.
• When your child tells you about an image they received, firstly reassure them that they did the right thing to report this to you. Establish if your child requested the image or if they received it unwillingly.  If this image was sent by an adult, you must report this as there may be sexual exploitation or grooming involved.  Show your child how to use the block button on their devices and favourite apps to stop people from sending them unwanted messages. You can also set up parental control with your internet service provider or on the child’s phone to prevent access to harmful content.

A mobile phone is definitely very helpful and can play a crucial role in the safety of your child – but we have to understand that these devices can have devastating impacts on the lives of young adults if abused.  Protect your child against this form of exploitation!

Ebony and Ivory – a story of transformation

In August 2018 a young man walked through the gate, shoulders hanging.  He avoided eye contact and when he did make contact, he blushed.  We welcomed him with a smile and open arms but not without concern about his future.

He is a very talented young man, attending a prominent Afrikaans school in Pretoria and was in grade 11. The months leading up to his admission had been some of the most trying times in any persons’ life.  His father was in jail for a crime he had committed, and he had no contact with his mother.  At this uncertain time in his life, when he needed parents to guide and support him, he was alone. 

But Bramley became the new home for this child.  He made friends, bonded with his house mother and connected to a lady who saw his potential and is doing everything possible to set him up for his future. As a pianist his passion is to study music after school – and this is where he found his peace during this turbulent time in his life.

Over the months we have seen him transform from a dark, lonely child to someone with confidence, walking in the light. He is self-assured and looks the world straight in the eye.  His posture has changed, and he is now walking with his shoulders high and straight.  He looked so handsome at his matric farewell and even had the courage to ask a girl to accompany him!

What has happened to this boy is what we hope to see every time we admit a child to Bramley.  Working with him to cope with his troubled youth and giving him back the ability to dream.  We have spent hours in consultations and therapy with him understand that his past does not define his future. Therapy helped him to deal with his situation and realising his strengths and limitations. He was supported by the Social worker, his therapist as well as the caring teachers at school.

It was also rewarding for the big sister and other people involved with him, to see how this child opened his mind to positive influences.  He grabbed every opportunity on offer to improve himself, to have fun and enjoy the moment when sponsors or donors brought gifts or visited the Home.

And this again proves that the road to recovery is a two-way process. As much as we invest in the child, the child also needs to invest in him/herself.  If the child ignores the opportunities or does not want to work with the social worker in the programme, there is not much that can be done to change the child’s future.

Today he is writing his final matric exams.  And although the future is not looking all rosy for him, we are confident that he will use the chances he gets to improve himself and work towards a better future.  There will still be days he will ask “why me” but there will be days when he will say “thank goodness it was me”.   The process of healing is far from complete.  There are still issues he needs to work through.  But his admission to Bramley came at exactly the right time – we could still help him become the person he should be!

In his own words: People are always afraid of the unknown.  This is also how I felt when I heard that I would be staying in Bramley Children’s Home. I feared how the other people will be.  The staff was beyond kind! They made me feel welcome, the house parent was kind and welcoming too. To my surprise, I was accepted by the children when they arrived home from school.  I have made more than friends – I have found brothers!

Escape the cyber bully

Gone are the days that the bully was waiting for you under a tree or around a corner.  The bully is now in your hands and on your desk.  It can occur anywhere, through emails, cellular phones or social media websites. The effects can be devastating, leaving you feeling hurt, humiliated, angry, depressed or even suicidal.  This type of bullying is referred to as cyberbullying: bullying that takes place in the form of texts, as SMS’s or online in social media, forums or gaming where people can view, participate in or share content.

In a 2018 survey by Ipsos Global Advisor, it was found that South Africa showed the highest prevalence of cyberbullying amongst 28 countries that participated in the survey. According to the report, more than 80% of South Africans  said that they were aware of cyberbullying.  Fifty-four percent (54%) of parent who took part in the study admitted to knowing at least one child in their community who has been a victim of cyberbullying – this is an increase of 24% from 2011.

Cyberbullies torment their victims 24 hours a day and they follow the victim anywhere so that no place, not even home, ever feels safe, and with a few clicks, the humiliation can be witnessed by hundred or even thousands of people online.  Threatening and taunting messages through text can all have a serious impact on emotions and social interaction.

Here are more examples of behavior that could be cyberbullying:

• Sending mean emails, texts or instant messages.
• Sending neutral messages to someone to the point of harassment.
• Posting hurtful things about someone on social media.
• Spreading rumors or gossip about someone online.
• Making fun of someone in an online chat that includes multiple people.
• Attacking or killing an avatar or character in an online game, constantly and on purpose.
• Pretending to be another person by creating a fake online profile.
• Threatening or intimidating someone online or in a text message.
• Taking an embarrassing photo or video and sharing it without permission.

It’s important to know that not all online conflicts between kids are cyberbullying. Sometimes, kids get into arguments on social media. They may also banter with each other or use inside jokes while texting. (Read about the difference between teasing and bullying.)

So what are the warning signs? A child may be the victim of cyberbullying if he or she –

• Becomes sad, angry or distressed during or after using the internet or a phone;
• Appears anxious when receiving a text, email or have been on social media websites;
• Avoids discussions or is secretive about computer or cellular activities;
• Withdraws from family, friends and activities they previously enjoyed;
• Refuses to go to school or to specific classes, or avoids group activities; or
• Illustrate changes in mood, behaviour, sleep, appetite or shows signs of depression or anxiety.

Earlier this year, a 13-year-old girl from Pretoria committed suicide after a photograph was sent around her school on WhatsApp.  It’s understood that the Grade 6 pupil took her life at her home after a Grade 7 pupil threatened to distribute a video of her naked.   

Cyberbullying has resulted in many suicides and has affected numerous people, so preventing this form of bullying has become a critical matter. Because cyberbullying is more of a covert style of harassment, it creates difficulty in identifying victims and dealing with perpetrators. So, what happens when cyberbullying crosses the line into unlawful and criminal behaviour?  According to the Centre for Justice and Crime Prevention South Africa does not have specific legislation dealing with cyberbullying.

You can prevent cyberbullying before it starts.  According to the South African Police Service, parents need to teach their children to block communication with cyberbullies.  Children should also be taught never to poster their personal information online, including full name, address, telephone numbers, school’s name and personal information of friends. Passwords should be kept secret and discussions about your life should not happen online. Parents should also monitor their children’s use of technology.  This can be done by keeping the computer in a busy part of the house, where it can be seen, add filters to your computer and tracking of inappropriate web content and by encouraging your child to share threatening messages with you.

If your child is the cyberbully or responded to bullying by using their own bullying tactics, help your child to find better ways of dealing with the problem.  Get a therapist to help if your child struggles to control anger, hurt and frustration.   Educate your child about bullying so that they understand how hurtful and damaging their actions and behaviour can be.  Limit your child’s use of technology until their behaviour improves.  Be consistent with rules so that the child understands your rules and the punishment for breaking the rules.

Explain the legal consequences to your child. The legal consequences entail that a perpetrator may be criminally charged with the following offences:

Crimen injuria – the unlawful, intentional and serious violation of the dignity or privacy of another person.

Assault – any unlawful and intentional act or omission which results in another person’s bodily integrity being directly or directly impaired or which inspires a belief or fear in another person that such impairment will be carried out.

Criminal defamation – is the unlawful and intentional publication of a matter concerning another, which tends to seriously injure his or her reputation.  This includes verbal and written defamation.

Extortion – is committed when a person unlawfully and intentionally obtains some advantage, which may be of either a patrimonial or non-patrimonial nature, from another by subjecting another party to pressure.

The victim of cyberbullying can apply at the nearest Magistrate’s Court for a protection order in terms of the Protection from Harassment Act, 2011 (Act 17 of 2011).

Sources: https://fourwaysreview.co.za/278769/stio-t-cyberbullying-south-africa/

https://ewn.co.za/2019/02/25/sa-has-one-of-the-highest-prevalence-of-cyberbullying

Prof Sanette Nel, Professor of Law: Department of Criminal and Procedural Law, UNISA

https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/child-social-situations/online-activities-social-media/cyberbullying-what-you-need-to-know