Wellness
2019 - The realness of the ‘invisible load’ – and how to take control.
By Anja van Beek, Agile Talent
Strategist, Leadership Expert, and Coach
The ‘invisible load’ is real.
Think about it. Think about all the roles you have to switch to daily. Perhaps
this scenario will resonate: “The alarm goes off at 04:30 am and you pack all
the lunchboxes. From there you finish off a presentation that you worked on
last night. Whilst delivering that presentation you remind yourself you need to
quickly stop at Woolies as you need to get something for your youngest
teacher’s birthday tomorrow. On your way home to fetch the kids from aftercare,
you also phone your husband to remind him that he needs to arrange with the
gardener for this coming weekend. Oh, and you need to send your close friend a
message to arrange a coffee for this weekend as she has been a bit off lately.”
Could this be you?
The theme for Women’s month 2019
is #WhatWomenWant and all women are encouraged to state, without any fear, what
they really want.
Something beautiful happens in
women when they stand up for what they believe in and see their voice carry
power.
I have noticed that many women,
at one point or another, struggle to find the time to cope with the demands of
modern-day life (invisible load), especially as we are surrounded by
technology. We are all ‘expected’ to strike a reasonable balance between the
needs of our personal lives and professional careers. But it is a very tough
task.
We will often hear “there just is
not enough time in one day” (sounds familiar?) and sometimes they even feel
run-down, frustrated or anxious. As a working and ambitious mother, I
understand the importance of finding a balance between all the roles and
responsibilities.
For me, it is summarized in the
quote “Balance is not better TIME management, but better BOUNDARY management”.
This all boils down to
BOUNDARIES.
If you are a go-getter and crave
to feel less overwhelmed, consider one of these 5 suggestions:
1. Make
time to reflect
Life goes "up and
down"; like a heart rate's rhythm going up and down on a chart. Daily
reflection can be a way of creating mind space as it allows you the opportunity
to gain perspective on the situations, we find challenging. Many successful
people make it a daily habit of taking time to reflect.
By reflecting, we can consider
what didn’t work, acknowledge what went wrong and choose a different way to
prevent it from happening again. It is also helpful to recognize your emotions
in the “up and down” times. Ask yourself "What does the emotion mean and
how can I use it to move closer to my goal?".
An easy way to start reflecting
is to do a one-sentence journal every day; also list and incorporate something
that you are grateful for. If you need some inspiration, Ulysses.org
provides a few good sentence
starters: http://bit.ly/2GbBtD3
2. If
you take on new things, consider what you’re going to park for a season?
All we have is time. The
way you spend your time determines the quality of your life. I’m a strong
believer in having a growth mindset and being a life-long learner; we all
should find time to pursue goals and interests outside our family and work
life. Having said that, I’m mindful that we sometimes take on too much. If you
take on a new hobby, venture or enrol for a course, consider choosing something
that you are currently doing that you can “park” for a season.
3. Learn
to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty
‘No’ is also an answer. The truth
is: if you say no, you are in fact just taking control of your life and
prioritizing what is more important to you at that current time. Warren Buffet
says, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is
that very successful people say no to almost everything.” Read that again.
We can’t be all “yes-people” –
imagine what the world would look like? When saying no, don’t beat around the
bush or offer a weak excuse; just say it. In
a study done by Prof Hagtveld he suggests one uses the words “I don’t”
rather than “I can’t”. The latter might sound like an excuse whilst “I don’t”
implies you have established certain boundaries for yourself.
4. Choose
a support system you can trust
Most working women feel trapped.
They feel they need to take control of every single aspect in their lives –
personal and professional… and that is exhausting! We need to remember that we
don’t have to do everything ourselves.
As we successfully delegate
certain tasks at work; similarly, we need to delegate duties (invisible load)
in our personal lives as well.
How do you get out of this
overwhelmed feeling?
·
‘Perfect’ can be a blind spot. We so
often want to control everything and letting go or asking for help might be the
first step in finding balance.
·
Get a support system in place that you can
rely on. It could be arranging a lift-club at school, assigning a tutor or
an au pair helping the kids with homework or choosing to do your grocery
shopping online.
·
Discuss sharing chores with your partner.
Many modern partners are more open to taking on non-traditional tasks e.g.
cooking dinner, doing the washing or putting the kids to bed.
·
The best advice that I have received as a
working mother was: “Be present in the moment”. This simply means
choosing to focus on what you’re doing and not allowing your mind to wander to
other urgent matters. I often find that when I’m busy helping the kids
with homework my mind is already busy with the presentation for the next
morning. I then need to refocus and choose to concentrate on the important and
not the urgent.
You don’t have to be
superwomen; decide what is important to you and stick with that.
5. Be
intentional about “me time”
Many of my clients say they feel
overwhelmed by what we need to do and achieve in a day. The reality is that
women need to fill their own cup. When last did you make yourself a priority?
Be intentional about scheduling
“me time” and decide what will really help you to recharge your batteries and
relax. For some it will be choosing some sort of exercise, for others a little
reading every day or unwinding with a glass of wine, will do wonders.
It all starts with you!
My wish for you is that Women
Month 2019 marks the start of a journey owning your voice. May you be able to
speak up and state, without fear, what you really want.
To track any newly made
commitments, download the FREE Mandala
Habit Tracker, which will help you in a creative way.
#WomenMonth2019 #WhatWomenWant
#InspireWomen
Anja is a Talent Strategist
and Leadership Coach. She was one of the first to be authorised as an Agile
People professional and facilitator in 2018. The ex-Sage HR Director now
consults with leaders and HR teams on all people-related aspects with a specific
focus on adopting an agile mindset integrating agile principles and practices.
She is a leadership coach and an expert in supporting teams to remain relevant
and thrive in the future of work. She also works for various companies as a
facilitator focusing on leadership development, mentoring and change
management.
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