In light of the recent uproar in the media
of little Amy-Leigh’s abduction as well as the current ongoing trial of the
alleged rape incident occurring at a Dros restaurant in Silverton, we as a
child protection organisation would like to make a definite stand against these
acts and express our dismay regarding these two horrible incidents and all the
other incidents of this nature. These kind of unfortunate incidents give a
clear indication that children are a vulnerable group that easily gets victimised
and needs extra protection from those aiming to damage the lives of our young
ones.
One of the first feelings that parents and
families experience after their children went through some trauma, is guilt.
Yes, it is natural to feel that way, but guilt brings about other negative
feelings towards yourself such as worthlessness and feeling as though you
failed your child. Our feelings always impact on how we act – in other
words, negative feelings cause negative actions. Therefore, feelings of guilt
might cause you to act in a negative way, without you even realising it. This
is where self-forgiveness is really vital so that your thoughts and feelings
about yourself can change which will bring about positive reactions. Never
underestimate the sensitivity of your child and how they are able to sense your
feelings of incompetence. This will then make them feel insecure and that
nobody can take control over their situation and pick up the pieces on their
behalf. Therefore, is you as a parent need to speak to a professional in order
to rebuild yourself, do it.
After trauma, children either react out heavily
or suppress their true feelings. Children are different and will react
differently to their trauma. It is therefore important to be present –
physically and emotionally. Provide even more nurturance than before. Children
are able to process their trauma a lot better when having a strong support
system. If you decide to take your child to see a therapist, do not expect the
therapist to fix your child on their own, but rather commit to play
“co-therapist” and work together with the therapist so that your child has
support throughout. Introverted children tend to bottle up their feelings after
trauma and we have seen how some children appear emotionally weak due to a lack
of support at home.
Even though children go through tough times
following trauma, practicing discipline towards them should never be avoided as
it provides them with structure as it something they are in great need of after
trauma. Children also thrive on predictability and it is therefore important to
try to, after a traumatic event, to communicate effectively to them and inform
them of any plans considering them. Give your child a voice to articulate their
needs to you and assure them of your commitment to try to adhere to it. For
those children experiencing nightmares, allow your child to tell the traumatic
event over and over to you so that the memory could form part of their
consciousness, which can decrease nightmares.
Even though I mentioned that you need to
forgive yourself and move on after a traumatic event happening to your child,
we acknowledge that you will do your best to survive this ordeal. We further
acknowledge that you as a parent are also a victim when your child gets targeted
and that you have not done anything wrong. Despite this, we have found that
when parents apologise to their child for what has happened to them, it brings
about healing for both. This does not mean that you admit doing something
wrong, but that you apologise to your child for what has happened to them.
Sometimes it will be needed to engage in family
therapy as siblings and other family members might also experience a great deal
of fear and uncertainty regarding their future safety. This is an ideal opportunity
to work out a safety plan as a family where you decide on the best possible
ways to protect one another and yourself. Children need to see that they are
not alone.
Lastly, even though your child and family you
might struggle to deal with the trauma form whatever incident involving your
child, it is important to try really hard to get back to your daily routines as
quickly as possible so that you do not give the trauma the upper hand and allow
it to control your life. This will also help your child and family to find your
rhythm again. Survivor thoughts and feelings will lead to survivor actions.
If you need assistance with trauma relating to
your child, contact us at 012 460 9236 so that we could provide your child
and family with debriefing support.
Stay safe!
Written by Yolandi Singleton (Supervisor: Assessments and Therapy Unit)
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