Red
flags for possible sexual abuse
Written
by: Yolandi Singleton, Supervisor: Assessment & Therapy Unit
The court case currently in the news
regarding alleged sexual abuse and neglect of children brings this matter to
the fore again. Sexual abuse is probably the type of abuse that upsets the
society the most. As adults we are extremely aware that it causes physical,
psychological, social and emotional damage to a child when being sexually
abused - not to mention the other challenges the same child might be facing at
the same time.
Children mostly display problematic
behaviour to show the world what they are experiencing, without verbally
expressing it. When it comes to sexual abuse, children will often subtly make
disclosures in order to test the reaction of the receiver. All too often children
do not want to disclose abuse as they are afraid they will not be believed or
that the receiver will be angry or think that the child was in some way
responsible for the abuse.
Many times we find that parents who battle
their own unresolved issues due to childhood sexual abuse often project their
hurt and pain onto their children as a way to cope with their own trauma or to
gain control over their personal experience. Due to their own trauma they tend
to place their child in the victim seat when any possible threatening situation
arises, resulting in the sexual abuse of the child.
The signs and symptoms of children who
have been sexually, emotionally or physically abused are more or less the same.
It is therefore challenging to determine what type of abuse the child was
exposed to by merely looking at behaviour. The following warning signs can
however be reasons for concern when considering the possibility of sexual abuse:
• Excessive masturbation, still
continuing even after boundaries were set to the child;
• When a child wants to sexually engage
with another child by attempting to enforce penetration of the genitals or any
form of object;
• Encopresis (soiling in pants) or
enuresis (bedwetting);
• When a child makes a disclosure and
thereafter recant (withdraw their statement);
• Expressing strange and overly anxious
comments about a specific person;
• Infection in the genitals (consider
that some genital infections might be due to medical reasons);
• Age inappropriate sexual behaviour
(the child displays sexual behaviour when not supposing to have such knowledge);
• If a child displays inappropriate
sexual behaviour, explore it in a non-leading way such as: “I am wondering
where you learned to do… or tell me more…”;
• When the sexual behaviour put the
child or someone else in a position to get hurt:
• When the child’s main focus during
play is to engage on a sexual level; or
• Sudden change in behaviour such as
sleeping and eating patterns (consider that these symptoms are also present
when children have been physically or emotionally abused).
What to do when a child made a sexual
abuse disclosure
• Children do not verbally communicate
like adults and find it difficult to express the experience. It is important to
stay calm and find help. Do not overreact. It causes more harm.
• Do not interrogate the child.
• Do not say anything negative about the
alleged abuser (this will scare the child and cause possible withdraw.
Remember, perpetrators are threatening and manipulative).
• Do not make empty promises, such as
“you will never see that person again”.
•If you are not trained to explore abuse
by means of forensic interviewing, limit your questions regarding the abuse and
the alleged perpetrator. Avoid questions that leads the child to a specific
answer you want. Resist the temptation to gather all the information. Leave it
to the professionals to explore properly.
• Let the child know that you believe
him/her and that you are proud of them for telling you something you know must
hurt a lot. Assure the child that you do not blame them and are not angry and
that it is not their fault.
Remember that for a child to disclose
sexual abuse is a very brave step, but a difficult step at the same time.
Children must be free to experience life in a non-threatening way. At times
they can engage in innocent sexual play without having the intention to receive
sexual gratification, but merely to explore body parts, which is an interesting
topic for youngsters at times. Treat them gently and assure them of your
support and understanding.
If you suspect sexual or other abuse,
please contact us on 012-4609236.
Child
Welfare Tshwane – serving the community of Tshwane with pride since 1918.
